From Within: The Illusion of “Sexual Freedom

• Freedom without coercion: True freedom means you're not forced or deceived. No one should pressure you to have sex with them or someone else against your will.
   
• Freedom with responsibility: You own your choices. You know what you want, and you consider how your choices affect you and others.
   
• Freedom as informed choice: Freedom comes with good information and support. You should be able to learn about sex, health, and safety so you can decide what is right for you.

• Media and ads often portray freedom as always doing more of everything you want or chasing new sexual adventures. This usually overlooks the real costs – like health issues, long-lasting self-loathing, and safety issues.
   
• Some of us women engage in sex with just anyone (men and women) to prove that we are modern, empowered, or free. However, this becomes a form of bondage, as we may harm ourselves in the process and end up being the only ones to bear the consequences of our choices.
   

• Our self-respect starts with us: we must care for our bodies. We need to understand our limits, listen to what our bodies tell us, and make decisions that benefit us as a whole.
   
• Education helps: We must understand our bodies, consent, safe sex, and our rights to say no or pause at any time.
   
• The goal is to protect our health and feelings. This is why we must seek good information, have doctors we trust, and surround ourselves with friends or communities that support our choices.
   

• Consent is ongoing: asking and agreeing should happen repeatedly, not just once. This is important for Nigerian women because we have been taught that we must be polite at all times. While being polite is good, it can also keep us stuck in situations we don't like. If at any point you feel that engaging in sexual activity with someone is wrong for you, trust that feeling and listen to it.
   
• Communication is power: Say what you want, what you don’t want, and what you’re unsure about as regards to sexual partners.
   
• Listen to others too: Respect other people’s boundaries. Avoid actions that take away their choice or safety. Allow other people to exercise their sexual freedom too. Don’t coerce people into having sex with you or someone else.
   

• Why history matters: In many places, women have less power to make sexual choices because of culture, money, or safety concerns.
   
• Coercion can show up in sneaky ways: Pressure, threats, money problems, or fear of gossip can stop a woman from saying no.
   
• Agency through knowledge and safety: When women know about consent, have access to health care, and are supported by safe communities, sexual freedom becomes real and sustainable.

• Self-control isn’t punishment: It means choosing what really helps your long-term health and happiness.
• Boundaries are strong: Setting boundaries shows you respect yourself and expect others to do the same.
   

• Define what freedom means to you in your sexual life. Write your own understanding of “freedom” and note what makes you feel empowered versus what makes you feel unsafe or wrong.
   
• Map your boundaries: Make a simple list for your body, feelings, and online life. Put clear red lines and safe signals you can use.
   
• Make consent practical: Practice asking and getting clear consent in every meaningful situation. Encourage a culture where an excited "yes" is the standard.
   
• Learn for safety: Get reliable information about sexual health, contraception, and STI protection. Know where to get help if you ever feel pressured, harmed, or unsafe.
   
• Build support: Find friends, mentors, or health workers who respect your choices and boundaries.
   
• Challenge misleading stories: When the media says “freedom” means reckless behavior or chasing vibes, push back with ideas of autonomy that include safety and health.

Researched by Dorcas Michael